There is no rule book or guidelines for grief and grieving. One thing people who haven't grieved a major loss in their life is that it is hard work. Grieving is like a full time job. That is on top of everyday expectations and responsibilities.
When I lost my mom I spent 2 weeks in her apartment. I "slept" on the couch and Dan slept next to me on the floor...he was my lifeline. Maybe it was a mistake to stay there, but I needed to be close to her things. Surround myself with her scent and with her life. Alot of people were ok with it at first, and then were anxious for me to go home. I did eventually, but I am so thankful I had that time there.
There were times after everything had settled down that I wanted to just lay in bed. Some days I wanted the world to disappear. I wanted to find a quiet place and hide. Other days I made it out to the couch but didn't want to leave it.....just wanted to watch TV all day. Then I would have a good day.
Well to all those people trying to support someone who is grieving....sometimes doing nothing is ok. It helps to rest all those emotions and escape even for a few hours. I've heard it all...it's not healthy...don't be doing that...don't isolate yourself. And I agree. Everything in moderation.
A year later I still find myself having these days. And I've learned to take them, because they help make the other days bearable.
It's important to let yourself grieve. Everyone does it in there own way and that's ok.
JM
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